Information on popular complementary and alternative medical topics

MAKING A COMMITMENT: SEXUAL BOREDOM

Everyone develops certain rituals in their behavior. You get dressed in exactly the same order every morning. You drive to work along the same route. You eat your meals at the same time. You build around yourself a wall of comfortable predictability. Sex can also become a ritual; a choreographed, predictable routine which starts with a certain gesture like running a hand down your partner’s back … one, two … kissing them on the neck … three, four … stroking between the thighs … five, six … suck on the left breast … seven, eight … roll on top … nine, ten … You get the picture.

Yes, there is such a thing as sexual boredom, even in stable happy relationships. One of the abiding myths about marriage is that ‘if you really love someone, then you will never be bored with sex because it is the physical expression of love for your partner.’ What a cop-out!

Talking to your partner about boredom can be a delicate issue, because some approaches will be taken as an insult, and the reaction defensive. ‘How can you say you’re bored? You tell me you love me, and it feels alright to me!’; ‘Are you looking for someone else?’; ‘I’ve never had any complaints before!’ Chances are, it has just not been discussed. Many couples have been living together for years, yet never really talked about sex … what turns them on or off, what they’d like to try. So it can come as a surprise that your partner wants something different. But how do you communicate your needs without hurting your partner’s feelings? It’s easy to see how suggesting something new could be seen as a form of criticism, so it’s important to avoid suggesting that your partner is somehow to blame.

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